


Certain Things

by socasuallycrueI



Category: Andi Mack (TV), Tyrus - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, Inspired by To All The Boys I've Loved Before, Kippen Siblings, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Teen Romance, Tyrus - Freeform, Why Did I Write This?, trying to keep the fandom alive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 14:43:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20259769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/socasuallycrueI/pseuds/socasuallycrueI
Summary: Cyrus finds himself in an inescapable crisis upon finding out his love letters to all his previous crushes have been sent out. To make it worse, he still likes one of the boys. So what’s a better plan than faking a relationship with someone else?





	Certain Things

**Author's Note:**

> ummmmmm....i don't know. this was inspired by to all the boys i've loved before but also a jily fic called "Her Write There". I miss my boys and wrote this to cheer myself up. I don't know if I should continue but here. I hope you like it. Leave a comment if u want <3 Thank you.  
-Maria

_ Dear Iris, _

_ I don’t know how to tell you this. You’re the nicest girl I know. You’re also my first ever girlfriend. I’ve never even written a letter before. But I need to tell you how I feel. Mom said letters are really romantic. I need to disappoint you I think. This is really hard. You’re just so nice. Please don’t take this the wrong way.  _

_ I don’t like you in a girlfriend way.. I like you as a friend. You are a really good friend. You’re a really understanding girlfriend too. I’m sorry I didn’t buy you cupcakes that one day and I just know you wanted it because  _ _ everybody _ _ did it. The other couples I mean. I don’t know why I did this. I felt pressured I guess. Everybody was getting a girlfriend and a boyfriend because it was so cool and you were nice enough to actually like me. Me not liking you like that doesn’t have anything to do with you. I’m just a little scared. I don’t feel so normal. I’m twelve and puberty is kicking in but it’s still weird.  _

_ I’m sorry Iris. Dinosaurs will always make me think of you.  _

_ Cyrus _

  
  


~*~

<strike> _ Dear Jonah, _ </strike>

<strike> _ Dear Jonah Beck, _ </strike>

<strike> _ Hey dude! _ </strike>

<strike> _ Well hello there Mr. Beck, my best buddy! _ </strike>

<strike> _ Jonah.  _ </strike>

<strike> _ This shouldn’t have happened _ </strike>

  
  


~*~

_ Dear T.J, _

_ Buffy is gonna murder me.  _

_ Okay sorry, let me start again. I know we’ve never really spoken to each other except that one time when you helped me get my chocolate chocolate chip muffin and the other time at the swings, but ever since that day happened, I can’t stop thinking about you. This letter is a mess. ALso I didn’t even plan out how to structure this letter so I’m sorry if it’s all over the place. So are my feelings. This is most likely coming off as creepy because I don’t even know you that well and we’ve only ever interacted those two times but I’m going nuts here, T.J. It‘s a good thing you’re never gonna read this letter.  _

_ I am pining hard. You’re not even gay but I can’t stop and I am pretty sure I’m in love with you. The thing is, I would love more than anything to get to know you, but I’m not brave enough. I know everyone considers you funny and you are really popular and all girls think you’re so good looking and you terrify some people and you were mean to Buffy but I know for a fact you’re a good person to people you care about. I remember one time I saw you talking to Mr. Sanderson and you know nobody likes him because they think his history lessons are super boring, plus he can be really strict, but with you I actually saw him smile for the first time and I had to wonder if that’s the impact you have on everyone else who’s close to you. That day I wanted more than ever to be your close friend too. And you’re not just good looking. You’re the most beautiful boy I’ve ever met. There are not many beautiful boys T.J. There are handsome boys and cute boys, but you are beautiful. You have the most amazing eyes. The blue in them is like the ocean and they’re all I ever think about. And I saw you smile a few times and it was the most magical thing. Your smile is so bright. And you’re so talented and I go to basketball matches just to see you play. Most times I don’t even know who you’re playing against.  _

_ I wish you stayed longer at the swings.  _

_ Cyrus Goodman (Underdog) _

_ ~ _ *~

  
  
  


_ Dear Jake, _

_ Nobody at camp seemed to like me (and trust me, this killed me. My friends say I always  _ _ need _ _ everyone to like me) except you. We became best friends in the shortest amount of time and I keep thinking about those times and I miss you. I know we’ll probably never see each other again, but talking to you made my heart calm and like I was home but whenever you’d look at me I would feel it start racing. How did you do that..  _

_ When you hugged me goodbye and then we looked at each other for a little longer than usual, I felt like I would die if I don’t kiss you but then you laughed and waved one last time and left and I never saw you again. _

_ But thank you Jake. You were an amazing friend.  _

_ Sincerely, Cyrus Goodman _

~*~

_ Dear Luke O‘Neill, _

_ I am heartbroken right now. In pieces. I can’t begin to describe the feeling in my heart when you told me….  _

_ You get me, Luke. In these few months, you’ve become so important to me. See, I didn’t want to take Creative Writing (I Admit I was very insecure). My mom made me go because she said it would help with understanding and expressing my feelings (she is a psychologist). She was right, it did have to do something with my feelings. They were for you. Even though you’ll never know: I had feelings for you.  _

_ You were the highlight of all my days, I would be so excited to talk to you and to hear what you have to say. It wasn’t just because we were kinda the only two boys in the class, but because you have such a pretty mind Luke. You know so much and you taught me so much and you write so well. That story about two best friends who get separated because of a war? I will never forget that story. Mostly because it wasn’t war that separated the two of  _ _ us _ _ , it was your moving away. I just found this amazing person and in a matter of seconds, he gets taken away from me. It broke my heart Luke. I loved you and I think I always will.  _

_ Love, Cyrus Goodman _

_ ~*~ _

  
  
  


_ Dear Jonah, _

_ You should know something. When we were twelve and started hanging out, I had this realisation about myself. I was terrified. I was a boy in puberty and I was in middle school. This realisation couldn’t have happened at a better time. Yeah you know what it is: I am gay. That was the ultimate realisation. But I’m not writing this to go back to that story, you already know it. What you don’t know though, is how it came to me. The realisation that is. A funny story. It involves you… _

_ I was dating Iris at the time but it felt stiff and awkward and I didn’t like her like that. I think I was pretty sure I didn’t like girls in that way in general but it weirded me out so I didn’t think about it. I just basically thought I was acting that way because I’ve never had a girlfriend before. And then well… you happened. You have no idea what you did to me, Jonah. You are so oblivious. You would probably be so confused now if you were to ever read this. But I’ll explain it.  _

_ I should’ve been happy you were spending more time with the Good Hair Crew. And in the beginning, I was. But then… I developed a crush on you. It was bad. You have no idea how scared I was. The worst part is: my best friend really liked you. What was I supposed to do? I hope this doesn’t upset you. I was happy you were my first crush. If I had to choose anyone to be my very first boy crush, I would choose you every time. Also, who could not have a crush on you?  _

_ Now to the actual point of this letter. What’s the reason I’m bringing all this up again? _

_ I like you. Again. I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I truthfully have no idea what’s wrong with me when it comes to romance. I’m writing it down to let it go. I have to let it go. Why did you have to become my best friend? Why are you so easy to like? Like honestly. Did you have to write me that song?? I know it was in a best friend way and you are my best friend but God. You can’t do something like that and then expect Cyrus Goodman, a known hopeless romantic, not to fall into a love trap… It’s literally a song for me written by you. I appreciate it and I am so sorry Jonah. Believe me as I write this, I am hoping these feelings will stay on the paper and leave my heart.  _

_ Love, Cyrus  _

~*~

  
  


Some things were just more important than other things. That Chemistry test on Tuesday didn’t matter as much as the essay for English class. Enjoying a good book seemed more effortful than eating an ice cream on the sofa in front of the TV. Not everyone would agree, though. That’s kind of the catch too.  _ Certain _ things were just more important than other things to certain people. For example, certain things like... letters. What Cyrus Goodman valued were his letters. Moreover, his  _ love _ letters.

Nobody could ever in a million years read them. They were practically sacred. It might have been foolish, but Cyrus actually found them quite momentous. It had been developed as a strategy; a nice tactic in a time of need and it proved as incredibly helpful. Cyrus was a boy of many emotions, a bunch of them a little all over the place instead of in his heart, and he needed to let them out. He needed to let them go. Mostly because these feelings tended to play with his head way too often and he knew that  _ that  _ would result in his already present anxiety getting worse, but also: Were he not to let these feelings go, he would get his heart broken. Big time. 

First letter he ever wrote was when he was merely twelve years old. That period of time had probably been the most important one of his life. And not just because he was given the Talk. 

Iris’s letter wasn’t exactly about him being hopelessly in love with her. It was really more about just Cyrus… About what was going through his head regarding… himself. But since Iris was the first person he’d ever dated, it felt right to tell her. Well, to write her a letter. His mom suggested he should always write his feelings down to comprehend them and if he had a hard time being honest with a person, well, he should write them a letter. Maybe after some time, he would find that contentment within himself to be ready to tell them words he held back out loud. These feelings were strong, they were compelling and affecting. They could even be deprecating.

After writing to Iris, it felt like a relief. It felt like the air had been refreshed and promising of new beginnings. 

The actual  _ love _ letters started out when he got a crush. He didn’t think he’d continue with the letters, he really didn’t. But once he found that satisfaction of getting-over-your-crush, which the first letter brought him, he decided it was for the best. Self-care, right? So, whenever his crush would literally make his heart go BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM, BA-BOOM, Cyrus would say goodbye to them in a love letter, writing down everything he imagined himself saying out loud. Turns out, as he came to know over the years, Cyrus never actually found courage to talk about his romantic feelings that consumed him. Instead, he wrote them  _ all  _ down. 

And that is exactly why his letters were not to be read by another soul on this planet. They were meaningful, deep, filled with every single detail resting in Cyrus’s heart, every single thing that consumed his thoughts about another person and unfortunately, every desperate hope that made him vulnerable. Of course, those facts were more than enough to indicate the necessary terms of vigilance: 

  1. All the letters must be at one place at all time. Separation, and therefore the constant contemplation of all of their whereabouts, makes one’s head spin around.
  2. The respectful home of all the letters shall be Bubbe Rose’s shoebox. The box must be hidden behind all the clothes in the closet. No one is allowed to know about the box.
  3. If anyone, especially the receiver, finds out about the content of the letters: Run. 

  
  


***

  
  


On the third day of September, which also happened to mark the first day of the first week of junior year for him, Cyrus  _ wanted _ desperately to be excited. Junior high was sort of a big deal. He couldn’t sleep. Nothing would ruin the first day for him. The day actually started out fine. He’d had a delicious breakfast. His mom prepared a delicious lunch. He saw Amber beaming at him at the entrance and giving him a hug, promising they’d catch up later and finally, he entered the school. His first period was English. Things really couldn’t have been more perfect.

But then, he just had to literally bump into the (in)famous basketball team captain. 

“Oh God, I’m sorry.”

T.J picked up his bag and stopped to look at him. 

“Next time, watch where you‘re going to avoid bumping into people. Just a tip.“ T.J Kippen ironically remarked, a smile glued to his face, and then he was gone again. Cyrus facepalmed himself because of his own stupidity.

Then, he saw his crush (Although, that could count as perfect too). Cyrus smiled at him and they shared a hug. A bro hug if you will. That’s really all it’s gonna be. 

“How was your summer, dude?”

Cyrus chuckled, his nervousness getting the best of him. “Oh you know! Fishing fish, swimming in the swimming pool! And yours? Ha ha.” He scratched his temple, already knowing what he would do this afternoon. It involved writing.

“It was good. I’ll see you later,” with one last grin, his crush walked away.

“See you later…” Cyrus smiled to himself then. He was in deep..

And then, to top it all, Andi brought some sad news with her upon their meeting at the lockers. Buffy had been talking about her trip and Cyrus wasn’t exactly unfamiliar with reading people, especially his best friends, when he saw Andi trying not to be distant. He waited for Buffy to finish, nodded and smiled at her, then turned his attention to Andi.

“Andi? Is there anything  _ you  _ want to share?” 

Andi closed her eyes, contemplating. It didn’t take long. “Jonah and I broke up.”

“What?” Both Buffy and Cyrus said at the same time, sharing a bewildered look and then looking back at their best friend.

Jonah.  _ Jonah Jonah Jonah Jonah _ . Cyrus’s brain was malfunctioning, he couldn’t focus.

“What happened?” He reached out for Andi’s hand.

“Well,  _ he _ broke up with  _ me _ . He said he couldn’t be in a relationship right now. That he’s too worried about this year, then college, then.... I mean, I get it but... “ Andi was tearing up, pouting her lips.

Cyrus gave her his best attempt at a compassionate smile. “It’s okay Andi. How are you feeling now?”

Andi shrugged.

“Honesty or a cuddly group hug?” Buffy raised her eyebrows and sincerely asked.

Andi’s expression didn’t change. “Both?”

“The way I see it, you’ve been on and off with him since middle school and... you’ve never really dated anybody else. Maybe you can see this as a good thing to make new experiences. With  _ other  _ people. But also _ single _ .”

Andi stayed quiet for some moments while Cyrus still held her hand. Then she murmured, “Can we hug now?”

They shared one tight group hug before separating for different classes. Unfortunately, they didn’t have first period together. It was Monday.

***

Stupid thing about Jonah Beck: Every single color suits him. 

It honestly wasn’t a lie. Jonah could pull off any color. It should’ve made Cyrus jealous, or at least he figured, but it made him appreciate Jonah more. He had the most amazing smile, the prettiest eyes. Cyrus noticed it the first time they’ve ever spoken. Jonah had his ways of winning everyone’s heart and he himself didn’t even know it. Any person who’s met Jonah would develop a crush on him, it was a universal fact. Cyrus knew. He’d experienced it.

“Andi said it’s fine.” 

“I feel awful. Like an actual homewrecker.“ Jonah pointed at the table showing their group was down to two.

Cyrus’s eyes softened and he gave Jonah the opportunity to continue. He knew for a fact Jonah would want to talk about it. He just knew Jonah that well. 

“I feel so selfish. But I think if we stayed together, it would’ve honestly hurt Andi more. I just don’t feel like it’s good for me to have a relationship right now,” Cyrus gulped in sadness as secretly as he could, partly because of Andi and partly because of himself, and he knew he shouldn’t have. Why did he have hopes anyway? This was bringing him so much agony and it was the first day of school. 

“You aren’t selfish. You’re taking her in consideration while taking care of yourself. That’s not easy. You come first, that’s really important.” Cyrus smiled.

“Thanks Cyrus.” Jonah smiled back, “Sometimes I think you understand my feelings more than I do.” 

“Maybe,” Cyrus giggled and prayed it didn’t come out as fake as it was. 

It was exhausting, sometimes. The whole business with feelings. Spending all this time with his best friend, as if it wasn’t his crush too. 

At times, Cyrus didn’t really know what was it about Jonah. How did he end up crushing on his first ever crush  _ again _ ? Most times, he didn’t want to know. He was quite sure it was the smile though. It scared him. A reminder, that’s what it was. 

Cyrus was so terrified, his first letter to Jonah Beck looked like this:

_ Dear Jonah, _

_ Dear Jonah Beck, _

_ Hey dude! _

_ Well hello there Mr. Beck, my best buddy! _

_ Jonah.  _

_ This shouldn’t have happened  _

None of it made the cut. But Cyrus kept those dribbles nonetheless (in his diary, not the shoebox because they weren’t an actual letter). It reminded him of a time where he was so afraid of himself that looking back at it now made him appreciate his growth.

Jonah wasn’t supposed to become one of his best friends. That crush never seemed everlasting. Especially since Cyrus thought he wouldn’t grow closer to Jonah than he already had been. Yet that’s exactly what happened. Now they were closer than ever. Which… complicated things.

If Cyrus knew then that his future would look like this, he’d have written that letter to Jonah Beck. He would have said everything. He wouldn’t have started crying because he had a crush on a boy and it just happened to be one of his good friends and crushing on boys wasn’t usual. Then, he had so much to say. And Cyrus wondered: If he had written it down then, would it be consuming him now?

***

After T.J Kippen, Cyrus just wasn’t the same.

T.J felt like an unexpected thunderstorm that shatters your whole being and you still have flashbacks. T.J took him by such a surprise, like some enormous ocean wave that happened once in a lifetime. Cyrus couldn’t exactly pinpoint it, to this day, what exactly was it about T.J that made him basically obsess like he did. He was fourteen and he had just read his first ever romance  _ novel _ , longer than 300 pages, and after that, well… Romance changes a person. 

In any way, Cyrus wasn’t ready for this crush. It caught him so off guard, it caused days of heartbreak and longing and to simply put it: Pain. But Cyrus couldn’t make himself stop. When T.J would play with his pencil and then remove the eraser off of it, Cyrus could watch him all day. The simplest, perhaps  _ stupidest _ , most normal things other people did, genuinely fascinated Cyrus, only when T.J would do them. He had to admit he was maybe a bit of a stalker, but he exchanged a ‘Hi’ with T.J almost every day considering the guy was his friend Amber’s brother. These tiny interactions were emotionally a lot. Cyrus wished in his heart they were more than a simple ‘Hey’. Cyrus was more than certain T.J never actually acknowledged him or knew his name. Did this stop his obsession? Not really. 

Despite the strength of Cyrus’s crush on him, T.J’s letter was the most disastrous of all. He had never felt about a guy as he did about T.J Kippen, yet his heart couldn’t get it straight (well, it never did anyway) with what he had been feeling exactly. 

Having a crush on the scary basketball team captain, who had a reputation of being a bully, made Cyrus realise he wasn’t foolish. He knew it’d  _ never  _ happen and that T.J wasn’t perceived as a nice person and he knew he had an obsession, after denying it for so long. Andi was the real victim; she had to hear Cyrus gush every day because Buffy and T.J were enemies, which didn’t necessarily contribute to the situation. Cyrus knew T.J was in a different dimension. If he were ever to actually ask T.J out, he would definitely move out of the country because it was simply unbelievable and unrealistic and  _ frustrating.  _

How many nights had Cyrus spent imagining scenarios and writing stories in his head? He didn’t know. What he did know is that it wasn’t exactly typical for a fourteen year old boy to stay up thinking about another boy. 

T.J was not available. He was like the depths of the ocean; unreachable and out of Cyrus‘s league. Loving T.J, and Cyrus was certain that he in fact did love T.J, took a lot of courage and bravery and suffocation and misery and  _ time _ and it was addictive. 

Getting over T.J took two years.. or something. Cyrus didn’t know if he would ever get over it though. Addictions mess you up. 

  
  


***

In the middle of the day, Amber was nice enough to show up and say hi. Well, she did not specifically say “Hi”, it went more in the lines of: “Do you wanna have a movie night tonight?”

Now, Cyrus was a good friend. He knew well how his friends worked and he knew the certain things they valued and what they would do if they felt a certain way. Movie nights with Amber always meant she needed a distraction and she didn’t feel like going out. Cyrus knew that and Amber knew that he knew so he didn’t bother ignoring it anymore. They say talking is the key and talking was Cyrus’s best quality. (Sadly.)

“Spill it.”

Amber pouted her lips. “My friends are jerks. I legitimately lost all my friends and it’s the first day.”

_ Ouch I’m just a rebound _ , Cyrus wanted to joke, but that would turn the attention to him and this was about Amber.  _ _ “What happened?”

“Casey decided my friend group doesn’t like me anymore for some reason, so now all of them are ignoring me,” Amber avoided eye contact for a moment, but then brightly smiled, “Their loss, of course.”

Amber was a senior and Cyrus had never been friends with her until Andi befriended her. What Amber also had been, a long long time ago, was Jonah’s ex-girlfriend. None of them happily thought about that time and the fact they were all good friends now proved it was a closed topic. What his friends didn’t know about Amber and Cyrus did, was that Amber would never show to anyone how vulnerable she was about things that didn’t involve them. She always had a smile on her face.

Cyrus empathetically smiled. “Yeah we can do movie night.”

“Sometimes I wonder what I’d do without you,” Amber faced him and gently placed her hand on his shoulder, smiling. Then she tossed her hair behind her back.

“But then I remember I’m literally Amber Kippen and it’s fine, but sometimes it just- You know?”

Cyrus giggled and so did Amber until her focus was on someone behind Cyrus.

“What is it now, creep?”

Cyrus turned around to found T.J standing there, startling him.

“You’re standing in front of my locker, genius,” T.J spoke to Amber annoyingly before nodding at Cyrus. “Hi.”

Cyrus attempted a wave. He hoped it wasn’t awkward, but when you’re the very embodiment of the word, simple things like waving just don’t work. Amber sighed and then moved away for T.J to take her place. 

She crossed her arms. “Hey, T.J.”

T.J didn’t give her a glance, “Mhm?”

“Don’t talk to me at school.”

That was a bit rude and Cyrus felt like he was intruding just standing there and doing nothing, but he figured all siblings were like this, even though he didn’t actually have a sibling. Amber began walking away and naturally, Cyrus followed.

“It wasn’t rude, you should’ve seen the crap he pulled off yesterday.” As if she read his mind, Amber rolled her eyes. “So, which movie are we watching?”

“Wanna talk about it? And I don’t know. Could Andi come? She had a rough breakup.”

Amber grinned and looked at his over her shoulder. “She can come any day.”

***

Jake was a refreshment. After a raging sea such as T.J Kippen, Cyrus needed to come back to earth. 

Jake was the perfect Boy Scout. His quest was to win Cyrus’s heart and he succeeded. 

Cyrus didn’t even want to go to camp, but his parents convinced him it was a good experience and that he should do it at least once. So, reluctantly he went. Reluctantly, he left too. 

The time he spent at summer camp contained some of his happiest memories. One of them being his roommate: Jake Davis. 

Jake was the best of the best at every activity but he still spent all his time with Cyrus, the worst of the worst. Jake had perfect morning hair, but he always gave Cyrus compliments. Jake loved giving hugs and everyone loved Jake. He was Cyrus’s best friend. He made him forget about reality and all the worries that come with it. They laughed and cried and took embarrassing pictures of each other and promised they’d always stay in touch.

They didn’t stay in touch. But Cyrus still had the memories. 

***

Andi, Cyrus and Amber sat in front of the TV in Cyrus’s room having the best movie night ever. No, it wasn’t depressing. It’s just that Buffy couldn’t come because she made plans with her mom but she was there with them in spirit. And also, Andi’s boyfriend kind of broke up with her. Not a big deal. 

“He’s gonna end up with the red head.” Amber said matter-of-factly. 

“I wish I lived in a ‘90s movie.” Andi pursed her lips. 

“Come on, Andi. Have you seen Sixteen Candles? That movie did not age well.” Amber gave her a questionable look. 

“Both of those movies were made in the ‘80s.” Cyrus yawned.

Andi rolled her eyes. “Well whatever I just wish someone would raise their hand up in the air because they won me over. That  _ does _ happen in this movie, right?“

Amber raised her hand lazily. 

“But you didn’t do anything.”

Smiling widely, Amber looked at Andi. “Yet.”

“I’m falling asleep here.” Cyrus groaned. 

“He doesn’t get it because he’s never even dated.” Amber smirked still looking at Andi. 

Cyrus proudly defended himself at that. They were turning against him. “Hey! I’ve had crushes!”

“We know.” Andi was still staring at the screen. 

Amber looked playfully at Cyrus. “We should seriously put Cyrus out there, I’m sick of his fanboying over some book couple.”

“Not fair because I remember you were freaking out because of Ron and Hermione with me!” Cyrus threw a pillow at her.

Amber was shocked and then beamed mischievously and loudly said, “Pillow fight!” after throwing a pillow back at Cyrus. Andi soon joined and in the end they were crying of laughter. 

***

With Luke it was more mature. Cyrus was acutely aware of his feelings and he wasn’t as insecure about himself. Luke brought out the best in him and he didn’t even know it.

Cyrus was pretty sure his parents made some kind of a deal with the universe to set him up with boys because Cyrus didn’t want to take Creative Writing due to his insecurities and anxiety. His mom talked him up and said it would help him sort through his emotions and he applied and it was scary but it was worth it. He met Luke.

Cyrus liked to think of Luke as a flower boy. Luke was incredibly delicate and the most poetic person Cyrus ever met. Cyrus considered flowers poetic too, their names had different meanings and he loved that. With Luke, it was the different sides Cyrus got to know better. Luke had sides of his personality that all had a different meaning because of the way they made Cyrus feel. 

The funny side, the dorky side, the smart side, the creative side and well.. the vulnerable side. Cyrus remembered the vulnerable side in detail. Mostly because he always reminisced about it. But he and Luke had the deepest conversation Cyrus has ever had with probably anybody. A conversation about love. 

Cyrus wouldn’t forget it for as long as he lived. He was the first person Luke came out to. 

***

This day was supposed to go fine. Key word ‘supposed’. Cyrus survived first period and was now eating ice cream outside with his best friend Buffy. Life was easy. Until it wasn’t. 

“Um hey.“ T.J Kippen approached out of the blue and Cyrus didn’t know what shocked him more: The fact that T.J approached  _ them  _ out of all people or the fact that Buffy had never before had such a taken aback expression on her face. They didn’t hang out with T.J Kippen. Buffy wasn’t easily impressed or shocked or startled. 

“Yes?” Buffy expectantly asked, fully composed. 

“I was wondering if I could talk to Cyrus, actually?” T.J looked at Cyrus.

Cyrus stared in surprise. He didn’t need to wonder what Buffy was thinking. 

“In private?” T.J quickly added, maintaining eye contact with Cyrus. 

Buffy shrugged, eyebrows raised and Cyrus still had his mouth open in shock, not knowing what to do. Before he could project everything that just happened, he realised he was walking next to T.J away from Buffy who made her way back inside and was now lost within the crowd of other students. Cyrus and T.J walked a little until they didn’t anymore.

T.J stopped and looked at Cyrus, his expression clouded with confusion as if contemplating on what to say. Cyrus stood frozen, but was able to hold his head up and not avoid eye contact. 

“Listen.. Just to get this.. clear.” T.J then pulled out an envelope out of his bag.

He held it up. “This is yours, isn’t it?” 

Cyrus’s heart stopped. _ Run. Run. Run _ , his mind kept telling him. He couldn’t move.

“It says Cyrus Goodman here. I wasn’t entirely sure-- Well, there’s pretty much only one Cyrus in this whole school and that’s you and why would someone who doesn’t even go to school with me send me a letter, I mean that’s ridiculous, right?” T.J shook his head and scoffed. “Well, anyway. This is awkward. You wrote this?”

Whatever Cyrus expected, it was not T.J Kippen rambling in front of him. Ever. Nonetheless, T.J seemed like the most confident person Cyrus had ever seen and not like a boy who’s just confronted another boy about a secret love letter. Cyrus was speechless. He felt like he forgot how to breathe. 

“I assume you did write it based on your face right now… I thought it was a prank but you’re literally as pale as a ghost, dude. And honestly it’s fine. I appreciate that you think my eyes are like the ocean. But I don’t want you to have any expectations. Like, it’s not gonna happen man.” 

Out of all the people Cyrus has ever crushed on… T.J Kippen had been the last person he wanted to find out. Cyrus would rather have even Jonah know about the letter than T.J. He wanted to sink deep and deeper and never reach the surface again.

“You… weren’t supposed to read that…” Cyrus barely let out and then it went as far that he felt actual sweat on his forehead. He had trouble breathing.

“It is addressed.” T.J said matter-of-factly, supporting his statement with his address written on the envelope.

This was bad. This was as worse as life could get. It wasn’t just a bad day, no. Cyrus felt like his life would end here and now. 

“I just- Can we just-” He looked around for anything, for some sort of saviour or answer. And then, just when he was sure it couldn’t get worse than this, he had seen Jonah Beck. Jonah Beck, who was walking towards them like he had just gotten a love letter from his best friend. 

“Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.” Cyrus held his head, legitimately. This could not be happening. 

He forgot T.J was even there until he heard a, “What?”

“Oh my God. Oh my God.” Jonah was closer and closer, walking faster if not even starting to run and Cyrus was a (gay) disaster. He couldn’t think of anything. 

“Dude if you didn’t want me to see, why did you write my address on it? Hello? Cyrus Goodman.” T.J seriously waved a hand in front of Cyrus’s face. Everything was happening too fast. Now he had both T.J  _ and _ Jonah to deal with. T.J was bad enough but now Jonah too? Cyrus could never talk to Jonah about it. He needed to run away. He needed to block Jonah. 

That was it.

“Oh my God. T.J. I need a distraction. I.. I need- I need to-”  _ What, Cyrus? Focus! _ What could he do to stop Jonah from coming over to where they were? What could he possibly do? 

“You need to hug me. Right now. Please. I’m overheating and I forgot all the lessons my shrink parents taught me and I need you to hug me because I can’t die yet. I didn’t even finish season two of ‘Suits’ and I am about to literally die because my wrush is cralking over here and-”

“Shit Cyrus,  _ fine. _ ”

T.J scoffed, but mechanically put his arms around Cyrus’ small frame. Cyrus could cry. He closed his eyes and hugged T.J back and only peeked after a few seconds. Jonah stopped, then turned around.

“What is this about?” T.J asked, his voice filled with impatience.

Cyrus forgot he was hugging T.J Kippen. The captain of the basketball team. Out in the open. Where people could see them. _ Shit _ .

He pulled away, T.J’s confused expression staring back at him. He couldn’t explain this now. He could explain it never. “Thanks. Okay I need to- Oh my God.” 

Cyrus’s hands flew to his cheeks and he ran away. 

T.J called after him, yelling a “Hey! Goodman!”, but that was it. He hoped to heavens all of this was just some awful dream. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
